Friendship

My father once told me that it is hard for an intellectual person to maintain friendships. To label myself as an intellectual would not be of my nature since I personally feel that one has a tremendous amount of growing as far as education and knowledge at my age. One should be humble. However, I do consider myself surrounded by intellectuals as peers through preference. One thing I have noticed in my life is the difficulty of maintaining solid friendships.

I have had my childhood friends who I love so much, who hold dear memories that I will never forget, so close to my heart…but there was a drift apart. I don’t know if it was age, or maturity or lack of interest. We see each other, we casually check up on one another, we ask how one is doing, then move on. It never has the same spark it once did. Those friends will always be in my life but consider it love at a distance.

There were the friends who I have no regret in losing, the ones who did not care for my well-being and were just “friends” more so acquaintances at the time to fit their needs. I learned a lot about these friends the hard way. The ones who would use you for rides and money, the ones who would use you for your company etc…

I take friendships very seriously. It takes a lot for me to genuinely consider you a friend in my mind. It’s usually known as an acquaintance otherwise. When you develop a friendship I expect a level of respect and understanding between one another. What’s crazy is right when you think it’s there, that this is a blossoming relationship growing, a red flag appears. Something you find odd, that 6th sense, my instinct to back off. To remove my emotions and to remind myself not everyone analyzes the world like you.

Makes me wonder if we really are our very own best friend? If everyone in this world is really for themselves? They say it’s hard for someone see you become successful. I wonder how many “friends” really are happy for their peers success. Honestly.

Family will always be your given best friends. But what is it about other human beings and ones relations with another? Why is it difficult? I am a very sociable person and get along with people very well however I don’t automatically consider anyone just my friend. It takes some brewing, some understanding, trust to start that cycle. I think what hurts the most is the disappointment when thinking you find someone on your mental level and to be showed differently. To feel the excitement of knowing there is another one of the”real” ones left and be wrong. That itself just proves my comfort of being alone. I love being in my own element and rather just stay there than fabricate energy for a pretend friendship. I rather stay at home than grab dinner with a “friend” who honestly doesn’t care how my life is going.

I think once you realize you do not really need anyone as far as friendships and consider them more of a mere bonus to life, you really become solid to yourself. You build an understanding within. With your conscious mind.

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